Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
