I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
