you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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