yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
