I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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