he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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