Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
