people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
