matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize