everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
