In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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