Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
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