the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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