Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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