All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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