I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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