ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
