I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
