WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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