She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Damn victory sex feels great
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
