I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
