i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
