Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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