Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
