I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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