Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You need Xanax blowdarts
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
