My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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