coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
