Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
