It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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