right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
