You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
