i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
