the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
