I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
