I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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