somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I need to align my fucking chakras
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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