My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so let's talk penis.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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