4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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