New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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