only you would photoshop your dick
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
