Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
