I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
