Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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