She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize