I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
