Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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