i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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