Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
