Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Barsexuality is the new black.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize