You're earring is so big in my mouth
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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