So drunk its hurt
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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