Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
