I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
