no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
