You made me cry and you don't even care
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
did i walk over a car last night?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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