I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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