I'm so fucking centered right now
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
