...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize