shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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