They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
