I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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