she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
