my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
