My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
