she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize