halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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