I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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