Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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