if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
where are you?
Hypothermia
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
