Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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