Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
