your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
50% drunk capacity currently
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
