im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
