Umm I'm too high to move.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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