does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
